exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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