I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I believe in your delicious
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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