I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
someone owes me an orgasm
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
