you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
