Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
