Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
