take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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