I just threw up on my dentist
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
