I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
