So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
