singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
