Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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