He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You're like the curious george of whores
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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