Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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