You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
