I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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