When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
