Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
