I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
