a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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