I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
