bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
