so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
