I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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