i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
