HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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