Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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