So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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