Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
