i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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