You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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