Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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