i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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