Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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