I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
