Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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