if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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