You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
