Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
