My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
