honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
