If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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