i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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