Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
