Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
