FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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