I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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