just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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