i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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