could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
