her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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