is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is my gift to your gina
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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