He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Randomize
