and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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