you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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