That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
