So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Green mimosas i think yes
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
