dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
