I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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