you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
