doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
