i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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