So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
