The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.