do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying