need another drink. this is the easiest way
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just want to make out with him forever
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
