just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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