Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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