We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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