Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
